Broken

I’ve been broken for along time… Last year something so traumatic (besides losing my job, house, car, and kids) happened, that on top of my battle with depression, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I have been tried more than most people ever will, and because of it I have faced hell and looked satan in the eyes. Through this year I have learned to lean on God even tho it feels like he isn’t there, even tho I don’t see him working, even tho there have been times that this life has been so hard that I just want to give up… Despite the challenges and the illnesses that plague me, I know God is good… I know he is working something so beautiful in me that one day it’ll radiate through all the world! I’m constantly haunted by what happened to me last year and by the loss and failures that have been brought upon my life… I have struggled, cried so hard my eyes would bleed, and fell down till there was no skin left on my knees. I have prayed countless prayers, and have been lifted high by more people than I know! No matter how far I fall and how deep things get, God has a plan and a way out! God has carried me through the storms and has provided me with more love and peace than I even deserve! I can’t tell you how how hard this past year has been for me, but I can tell you that the only person that hasn’t left me is Jesus! I wish I could tell you I haven’t cursed him, been so mad I thought I hated him, thrown my fists high into the air hoping to hit him… But that’d be a lie… I have… But through all that I’ve also never stopped believing! I know there is a God who loves me because without his grace and mercy, I would have never made it through this year! This week I ask for your prayers as I come face to face with my demons that caused all this pain… I will be recounting every step of the week that ruined my life, and face my fears with having to relive it! I know that tho I have fallen and been broken and shattered to pieces, God is always with me! He will give me the strength to get through this and will make ashes into beauty one day! Through the pain, restoration will come. I have been redeemed and will always glorify his name! ?

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