To Read Part 1 of How to Date &Make a Single Mom Fall For You Click Here.
Dating a Single Mom can be frustrating at times and put you in situations that you just don’t want to deal with, but the rewards are far greater than you can imagine. Single moms are strong independent women who can take care of themselves, their kids, and a house on their own. They have learned how to handle any type of situation that comes their way, how to juggle multiple distractions and tasks at a time, and the importance to keep trying and moving forward.
Dating a Single mom is much different than dating someone without kids. All the normal rules of dating are thrown out the window. We don’t have time for games, or immaturity. One of the biggest myths about single moms is that we are clingy and wanting to settle down right away. While this is true for some, the majority of single moms, the exact opposite is true.
We are so consumed and focused on just getting by and handling the day to day responsibilities and tasks that there is no time to daydream or be needy. As well as, we are focused on doing what is in the best interest for our kids and families, that we don’t want to settle down with just anybody; We want to be with the person God has called us to be with.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when you are wanting to Date & Make a Single Mom Fall for You:
1. Single Moms need Space! Single moms are probably the busiest people on earth. If they are anything like me, I am up at 4 or 5am to work out, get ready for work, get the kids ready for school and then work all day to then go home and make dinner, do homework, housework, and activities with the kids. On a good day my head doesn’t hit the pillow until 10pm, but on most days I am finally laying down to go to sleep around 11:30-12.
We are used to being independent and take charge kind of girls, and running nonstop everyday; having someone smother us, vie for our attention, and try to take control is not what we need. We need our space to do the things that need to get done and unwind in our own way.
2. Playing Games with Single moms will Ultimately Backfire on You. Between our jobs, home, and raising kids, the last thing we have time for are immature games or worrying when or if a guy will call. 9 times out of 10, playing games with a single mom will only result in you getting kicked to the curb.
3. Stay in front of a Single Moms mind. There is a huge misunderstanding when it comes to what single moms want and need and what they are actually conveying to a guy. Remember, when you are dating a single mom, all the conventional rules of dating go out the window. So saying to stay in front of a single moms mind is not saying we need a serious committed relationship right now, or need someone who is around us or calling us all the time. In fact if that is what you do, you will only come across as desperate and clingy. I can bet we will just walk away and move on. With everything else on our minds and so many tasks that need to be done on a daily basis, it is easy for a us single moms to not even think of or have a thought of the guy were interested in.
If you really want to win over a single mom, do little things that show you are thinking of her; like a goodnight or good morning text, hope your day is good email, or if you know she has an important meeting posting a good song or funny picture to her Facebook to get her pumped and make her smile. You don’t need to go all out and strike up full hour long, or heart-to-heart conversations. Just letting her know that you are interested in vying for her attention on a regular basis and helping by taking the second guessing of whether you are actually interested is enough to start the wooing process.
4. Do Random acts of Kindness! If you can tell she is having a rough day, leave a bottle of wine or her favorite treat at her door for her to find when she gets home from work, take out her garbage, leave a coupon to get her car washed on her car, etc. Little things that not only show her that you are interested but will help to simplify her life are the key to winning a single mom over!
5. On that note, Don’t waste her time! Single moms like to have their fun and occasionally date casually. Not all single moms are looking to run down the altar right away, but if you aren’t upfront and honest about your intentions, it will most likely lead to heartache for both sides. If you know straight up that you are just in it for sex, out of boredom or loneliness, or to just have fun, then you need to be honest and tell her straight up. Some single moms are looking for this too, so it could end up being a win-win for both of you.
Never lead a single mom on or waste her time; making us think things could go somewhere when you know they won’t will only make things end badly. Any extra time a single mom has is very important to her, and hard to come by, and the fact is her wasting it on someone who isn’t in it for the same reasons as her are ultimately going to end badly for you. Dating a single mom and keeping her an option while dating around and looking for the “right” girl will only guarantee that you probably won’t even be an option for her.
6. Be respectful! Single moms should be treated like a woman ought to be treated. Don’t call after 10pm (unless she has said its OK), never booty call (it will only leave you feeling rejected, lonely, and possibly resentful) or show up unannounced, and never take anything personal. If a single mom says no to you, it’s not (usually) because of you or that she doesn’t like you. It is because she has more important tasks at hand or already has something planned. It is very difficult, and a rare occasion, for a single mom to drop everything for you.
7. Be comfortable with the fact that you will never be #1! If you are wanting to win over the heart of a single mom, then you must know and respect that, no matter what, her kids are going to come first. If you need to see a girl 3-5 times a week or more, and want her attention all the time, then getting involved with a single mom is not a good idea. You must be OK with the fact that you will never be her number one or even second or third priority.
For me, my number one is my relationship with God, then comes my kids, and then work and family. Asking to be a top priority when your first starting to date is likely not going to work. Single moms need a guy who can take care of themselves and not expect for us to make them happy. The last thing I or any single mom needs is to take care of a boyfriend on top of the kids, bills, house, and work.
8. Single Moms are Planners! We have everything planned in advance, and can usually recite our schedule at the drop of a hat. Fitting in spontaneous dates, outings or trips is a very hard thing to do. If she is anything like me, she only gets 1-2 nights a week to herself with no kids, and those can get pretty booked up during the busy times of the year. So, if you are wanting to plan a special date or trip, talk to her in advance so she can line up babysitters and/or rearrange things if needed, and work out everything else that needs to be taken care of. Let what you do be the surprise.
9. Single Moms Take Most Things Seriously, but Still Just Wanna Have Fun. We have bills to pay, mouths to feed, chores and responsibilities, and a job to go to. Going out for an all nighter, or binging at a bar is just a no-go, so don’t expect us to go wild and crazy once we are away from our kids. Single moms are used to being very physical, hands on, and playing like big kids. So our kind of fun is going to be a lot different than those without kids, or those that go bar hopping and clubbing on a weekly basis.
Plan something that can either release the big kid inside, like going for a hike, playing flag football with friends, going to a waterpark, or something that is low key and relaxing. We are used to going a mile a minute and not stopping until 11pm every night, so sometimes just staying in and watching a movie or cooking dinner is just as much fun for us!
10. Admit your Faults and whatever you do, Don’t try to be perfect! One of a single moms greatest characteristics is that of humbleness. We have learned, and have to admit on a daily basis, that we can’t possibly do it all, or do everything perfectly. We have to give up control and admit, sometimes embarrassingly, that we in fact are wrong, didn’t do it the “right way”, or that we are not perfect. We (usually hesitantly) own up to our mistakes and try not to let our pride consume us. But, on that note, we tend to despise (secretly of course) those who try to seem perfect and do everything right, which means, if you are that person and are trying to date a single mom, you better let go of your need to have everything perfect and the need to be perfect, as well as never expect her to do things the “right” way or just right.
11. Single Moms are usually torn between two identities. If you want the girl you date to ooze sex appeal all the time, and not talk about the daily mundane, then date a supermodel. Single moms, are always going to be caught in between the two roles of playing the single sexy woman, and the loving (sometimes food covered, and heavily stained) supportive mom. If you date a single mom, those roles are bound to cross and get mixed up with you. If you don’t want to hear about how the kids are doing, or what happened at the park with little Jimmy, then dating a single mom isn’t for you. Be supportive of both her identities and show her that she can trust you enough to be the real her in every situation. This will help her so she doesn’t have to have that nagging feeling of repressing one identity over the other.